One
I have a roommate who regularly goes to bed later than I do but wakes up earlier, which causes me to be woken up repeatedly at night and again in the morning while I’m still asleep.
Being woken up like this is extremely irritating — I’m no exception.
When people are irritated, they tend to want to argue, but I usually hold back.
After holding it in for so long, I finally couldn’t take it anymore and decided to communicate directly. I voiced my concerns and requested changes. Just speaking up halved my anger right away.
As the saying goes: taking a step back only makes you angrier over time; pushing forward opens up vast skies. Emotions need an outlet — whether through release or relief.
Loud confrontation is xie (purging), while simply speaking is xiao (dissolving). The paths differ, but the goal is the same: giving emotions a way out.
Two
I spoke up — but nothing changed. Still, I continued being woken up at night and in the morning.
At this point, the best solution would be renting my own place, soundproofed with acoustic foam — but I don’t have the money. Pass.
A middle-tier option would be applying to switch rooms. But I can’t guarantee the next roommate would be better. Honestly, things could be worse — weighing the potential risks and benefits, I decided to pass on this too.
Finally, there’s the lowest option: maintain the status quo. If I can’t change the environment, then I must change myself.
This “worst” strategy actually came from a public account article shared online. The original passage reads:
A few months ago, I struggled to adjust to my roommate’s late bedtime. My roommate would rest around midnight every night, but I preferred going to sleep earlier. Every time he returned, I’d wake up easily, feel annoyed, and since I had to get up early, poor sleep made mornings even harder. At one point, I was nearly ready to move out.
Later, I shifted my mindset. My roommate isn’t having it easy either — lab experiments are exhausting, sometimes requiring him to get up at 2 a.m. to run tests. Compared to him, I don’t have to do experiments and still have a comfortable bed. I should be grateful. Knowing this, I found peace. Eventually, understanding his hardships helped me sleep much better — I stopped waking up so easily. Later, I began sharing good books and tasty food with him voluntarily, and in return, my roommates started treating me better and better.
I reflected: my roommate isn’t staying up late or waking early on purpose. It’s always due to work — rushing papers, meeting research deadlines, etc. He’s clearly under pressure. Moreover, when I raised my concerns, he responded quite positively. In a shared space, perhaps both sides just need to give a little.
Most importantly, I learned to lower myself and elevate him — to shift perspectives and see things from his side. Imagine: I have a roommate who gets repeatedly disturbed, yet rarely complains because he supports my work. When he noticed my eyes straining from reading papers on a small screen, he bought me a monitor. When I had a cough that kept me awake, he helped treat it. I may not love this roommate deeply, but he’s definitely above average.
Returning to my own perspective, I suddenly felt much better. Step one: give emotions an outlet. Step two: the emotions are gone — replaced by a sense of fulfillment, even joy in helping others.
Just as a friend often says: Why would someone as capable as the Buddha allow others to offer him food? Because he’s creating opportunities for others to help — allowing them to fulfill themselves through the act of giving.
The world remains the same world. But when viewed differently, everything changes. Constant complaining leads only to constant anger; constant gratitude brings lasting contentment.