Once we develop a habitual posture, we often remain unaware of it ourselves, such as uneven shoulders.
Once we develop a habitual mindset, we are often unaware of it as well, such as having very high expectations of ourselves.
Setting aside why such habits form for now, let’s first talk about the specific manifestations and how I discovered them.
Specific Manifestations
I rarely give myself a chance to relax proactively. Whenever I have free time, I demand that I study, exercise, and work hard because I feel I cannot stop; I must keep moving forward, or else I will regress.
But I am not a gear that never wears out and can keep turning nonstop. When I become exhausted from endless striving upward, I will compensate for myself rebelliously—staying up late, playing games—until a few days later, when I feel I’ve enjoyed it enough, and then I start the next endless round of upward striving.
It sounds ridiculous, right? But for a long time, that’s exactly what I did. Even now, I often do this.
How I Discovered It
Emperor Xuanzong of Tang said: “Using others as a mirror, one can clearly see one’s gains and losses”[1]. Applied to me, it means “using others as a mirror to understand oneself.”
It’s simple: I realized others are different from me! A friend complained to me, “I stayed up late again.” I applied my usual standards and told him, “You shouldn’t stay up late; you should avoid it, etc.” But this sparked conflict because he didn’t see staying up late as a big deal.
Suddenly, I realized:
It is possible to allow oneself to play all day without studying and not blame oneself at all.
It is possible to allow oneself to stay up all night reading comics and not blame oneself at all.
It is possible to… and not blame oneself at all.
It is possible to not work hard and not strive.
Zhenguan Zhengyao, Volume 2, “On Appointing Talents” ↩︎