What is Anxiety
Actually, I’m not very clear about the definition of the word “anxiety.” Although I studied medicine, like most people, I’m afraid of being diagnosed with a disease. I’ve been unable to sleep, staying up late surfing the internet, losing my appetite, experiencing hair loss and weight loss, and frequent pain. I think I more or less have some psychological problems, but as long as I don’t fill out that long questionnaire, I just pretend I’m not sick, pretend I’m fine, don’t need anyone else’s concern, and even less need to care about myself.
Love others as yourself, love yourself as others
Here’s an important point — not needing to care for myself. I once heard a saying, “Love others as yourself, love yourself as others.” At that time, I was shocked. I thought I did very well with the former, but I had almost no implementation of the latter. If my subordinates stayed up late because of work, I would definitely advise them to sleep first and then work tomorrow. But when it comes to myself, it’s not like that. I force myself to finish tonight, anxiously spend the whole night watching Bilibili, and in the end, I got nothing done. Why do I care so little about myself? If my patient were like this, I would feel very sorry and try every way to help them adjust their routine and improve their mood. But for myself, it becomes “It’s okay, it’s okay.” I’m not unaware of how to exercise, how to live, or how to manage my emotions; I’ve just become used to not treating myself seriously. Sometimes I feel like “I” and my body are not closely connected. “I” seem to be an observer, watching my body, just like I’m typing these words now. “I” seem to be behind, inside, or around my body, remotely controlling it to type away.
Back to the point, since I know many methods and am very troubled by these problems, I should take action. These problems have accompanied me for a long time, and for a long period I wasn’t even aware of their existence. Solving them will definitely be difficult—after all, “the biggest enemy of a person is himself.” But sometimes I wonder, why make myself the enemy? Traditional Chinese medicine pursues the harmony of yin and yang, where you are in me and I am in you, and cause and effect mutually exist. Isn’t the idea of splitting off your “bad side” to fight it just pursuing the separation of yin and yang? Do these “bad sides” have no positive role? Not necessarily! For example, when facing long-term procrastination of deadlines, hiding in the game world to avoid those troublesome matters is actually a kind of self-protection. Even if you truly can finish on time, if you already habitually see yourself as unable to complete on time, then the “bad side” comes out to protect you—“Dear, don’t worry, come hide in the game for a while first. When you’ve rested well, we’ll go out and fight monsters.”
end
Writing this down, I’m not as anxious anymore. An hour ago, I got up because of anxiety—there are still so many things unfinished, how could I sleep?
Then I wanted to write something to vent and organize my emotions, like warming up before a game. I browsed forums and RSS for a while, then I realized this was another way I was trying to hide. At first, I could still notice that I was hiding, but gradually I would sink in and couldn’t get out. As mentioned above, this is a form of protection but sometimes it can be excessive, like allergic rhinitis, which causes great suffering.
Then I began typing. When I started, my mind was very chaotic, and I haven’t cleared up yet, but I feel that after writing all this nonsense, my emotions are ready, and I’m motivated to face those little troubles and challenges again.
If you have read this far and finished my rambling over a thousand words, thank you very much for your support, 
Let’s try it next.