As an individual grows, the world they encounter gradually expands, the stimuli they experience increase, and their desires become stronger.
When I was a child, the world was just my home, and my only desire was for my mother to take me to the corner store to buy a bag of snacks.
Later, I started school, and my desires increased to include school awards and toys on the street.
Then, as an adult living in a big city, my desires flooded over me like a tide.
The more I know, the more I realize what I do not know.
The more I know, the more dissatisfied I become.
The more I know, the more I compare myself unfavorably to others.
The more I know, the more things I want.
At this point, my small body can no longer bear such great desires.
At this point, knowing what I do not want becomes even more important.
I’m grateful that during my eight years at university I explored without any burdens. I did many things—there were successes and failures, moments of pride and moments of self-doubt.
First, I thank my parents for providing me with a solid material foundation. Large expenses never stop, for example, my costs for buying servers while learning programming were supported by them.
Then, I thank Beijing University of Chinese Medicine (BUCM, 北中医), a top national platform. Although I often complain about BUCM, I still appreciate that it has provided me with so many opportunities and excellent teachers and classmates to connect with. “A university is not about tall buildings, but about great teachers.” BUCM truly lives up to this. Although it does not have a library building, it has many well-known or lesser-known masters from whom I have learned a great deal. For details, see “Recommended Good Teachers at BUCM
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Medical School / BUCM Public - Beginner” https://forum.beginner.center/t/topic/190.
As for the classmates at BUCM, they are outstanding. Each class and every major has friends worth forming deep connections with. Not only are they capable, but they are also humble and friendly. I’m very grateful that they did not look down on me and helped open my eyes.
I also want to thank all the friends I’ve met online. Communicating with them has benefited me greatly. Different perspectives from different fields show diverse ways of viewing the world. I appreciate their sharing of what they see in the world.
That said, these years at university have generated many desires but also allowed many of them to fade. They won’t disappear completely but will no longer linger in my mind. And this is because through extensive exploration, I have come to understand myself—what I am good at, what I like, and what can satisfy society’s needs, finding a balance between self-fulfillment and external demands. Being able to do this is due to the ample opportunities provided by my parents, school, teachers, classmates, and friends.
To give a recent example, I have been torn between working for a big health industry company or pursuing medicine after graduation. I already know hospitals quite well (at least I think so), but I don’t know much about big enterprises. Today I met a friend who left a big company; his introduction completely shattered my assumptions.
I thought that with my medical background and some technical understanding, I could be a product manager serving hospitals. But in reality, leaders hiring would rather choose someone with abundant industry experience and no medical background. Why would they entrust a project to me, a rookie from the internet industry? If I really want such an offer, I must start from zero in a big company, first doing marginal jobs to accumulate experience. Most likely, I would be assigned to sales, marketing, or other “anyone-can-do-it, little-experience-needed” roles, and I would have to stay in these roles for quite a long time. Besides, he also told me what the industry looks like based on his many years of experience (I won’t elaborate here).
After all his analysis, in the time it took to drink a coffee, I decisively gave up this idea. Before this, after other attempts, I had also given up on self-media, entrepreneurship, and various other plans. I realized no path is a shortcut. This awareness comes from repeatedly hitting walls, and surviving those hits is thanks to those I have thanked above.
This makes me think about why poverty and wealth are easy to pass down. To some extent, children of the wealthy have better conditions to explore the world and themselves. Today if they want to learn music, they can hire a university student from Xinghai Conservatory as a tutor. Maybe they discover they don’t like it, so they explore again. Tomorrow they might want to study physics, so they visit the Science Palace and get coaching from competition teachers. They might find they don’t like that either. Setting aside all external factors (the best teachers, best hardware), through exploration time and again, children gradually see and develop their own traits.
As for children from poor families, if they want to learn music, the parents might hire a teacher. If they don’t want music and want to try art, then art. If they don’t want art either? Sorry, kids, your parents cannot afford your new interest. You better just focus on the college entrance exam honestly.
Finally, I want to especially thank the late Professor Qian Chaochen from BUCM for his previous lecture and sharing. I will always remember your rigor and seriousness, always remember your story about “digging one deep well rather than many shallow wells.” You were a true master. May you rest peacefully on the other side.
Recent Reading
Recently, Mr. Xu Dayun passed away. I wasn’t very familiar with him, but in this commemorative article from Sanlian, I saw an image of an old steed still eager to gallop thousands of miles. As a young person, I have gained strength from this elder, and I hope you can feel this strength too.
Gu Hongming is a historical figure, but I only knew the name, not the man. I listened to most of this podcast and learned more: simply put, he first studied the West, then China; through comparison, he chose Confucianism and devoted himself to defending it against other ideological branches.
