“The highest state is to forget emotions, next is to indulge in emotions, and then to be pretentious.” This sentence was mentioned a long time ago when I heard Senior Brother Sun Yinxuan give a lecture at Longxitang (it seemed to be during a lecture on Zhuangzi). I couldn’t understand it at that time, but recently I have had some insights and decided to record them.
Starting from the lowest level, pretentiousness — here it is not the commonly understood jiāo qing (矫情) meaning capriciousness. The scenario is like “everyone is wading through the water, but you find it dirty and won’t cross the river. Why are you so pretentious?” Here, 矫 should be understood by its original meaning, which is to straighten something bent. In contemporary usage, it connotes correcting something wrong or bad, for example in words like 矫正 (correction). But originally, it just means to change the shape of an arrow’s shaft; it carries no connotation of good or bad.
矯，揉箭箝也
Shuowen Jiezi p.105, Upper volume, Zhonghua Book Company, July 2013, 1st edition, ISBN 9787101087024
Originally intending A, but forcibly shaping it into B. For example, you originally want to play games and watch Bilibili, but force yourself with all kinds of reasons to study instead. Why? Because you think playing games and watching Bilibili is wrong, and studying is right. (As for why this right-wrong judgment arises, that is not the focus here and will be omitted for now.)
It sounds unbelievable, right? But I found that I often do this: the original thought can freely move forward without obstruction, yet something often blocks it and guides it elsewhere, such as rationality or habit. When you feel discomfort or constraint at this point, and calm down for a moment, you’ll realize you are being pretentious.
Once you become aware that you are being pretentious, it becomes easier: stop forcing yourself; let it be natural. This is what is called indulgence (纵情). Here, the “纵” is also not the commonly understood meaning of indulgence as in “letting go without restraint,” which often has a negative connotation of indulging bad things. Actually, the original meaning of 纵 is to “let go slowly and gently,” without good or bad judgment—simply not changing something. It forms a pair of antonyms with 矫.
縱，緩也
Shuowen Jiezi p.273, Upper volume, Zhonghua Book Company, July 2013, 1st edition, ISBN 9787101087024
When I face my own thoughts without trying to correct them but rather indulge them, I find many unpleasant feelings disappear, and nothing bad happens because of indulging them.
For example, after a tiring day, if I correct myself by forcing study when I want to play games, I simply can’t concentrate. Instead, I end up taking my phone to bed to play late into the night. The more I don’t want to play, the more I want to. Even if I occasionally force myself to study a bit and sleep early, by the second or third day I definitely overindulge in play, staying up all night. The next day I wake up groggy, can’t do anything, and blame myself for lacking self-control.
If I indulge, then after work, I play games, watch Bilibili, and by around 10 or 11 pm feel sleepy without bitterness. Naturally, I put my phone under the bed and fall asleep immediately after lying down. The next day I am energetic, without complaints about not studying yesterday, and instead feel happy to greet the new day for work or study.
Finally, the highest state is forgetting emotions—my level is not yet enough to even imagine what that state is like. Maybe I’ll record it when I achieve it someday.
Others
The specific origin of “the highest is forgetting emotions” I found comes from Shishuo Xinyu (A New Account of the Tales of the World), but I don’t know where the rest, “next is indulging emotions, then pretentiousness,” comes from.
Wang Rong lost his son and ten thousand children, and Shan Jian went to comfort him. Wang was overwhelmed with grief. Jian said: “A child is an object held in the bosom; why become like this?” Wang said: “The sage forgets emotions; the lowest do not reach emotions. The place where emotions focus is right here in us.” Jian was convinced and grieved even more.
Shishuo Xinyu – Mourning p.633, Zhonghua Book Company, May 2011, 1st edition, ISBN 9787101079401