I have a junior female schoolmate, and only today did I realize that she is wealthy (in my view). Not long ago, I was still arranging some tasks for her, offering a wage that probably seemed trivial to her (in my view). Suddenly, I felt a huge contrast, feeling like a clown, embarrassed for saying things I shouldn’t have. Those matters, under certain conditions related to her, were my most sincere advice, but once she surged beyond that social circle, I realized these suggestions were completely inapplicable.
I felt uneasy and constrained, as if she was looking down at me from above, laughing, thinking: what kind of loser is babbling here (in my view).
I used the phrase “in my view” three times in the above two paragraphs because later I realized all of it was just my subjective conjecture.
I thought about another wealthy male friend of mine; I never felt he looked down on me, even when I asked very silly hardware questions. I thought about the conversation I had with this wealthy junior schoolmate a few months ago. Back then, I was passionately discussing and giving advice, and she didn’t show any displeasure—she even spoke more than I did. I also thought about communicating with many friends who seemed “less well-off” than me; I never looked down on anyone, always answered every question until I got impatient and used an excuse to leave. Next time, when the topic comes up again, I engage because I find joy in helping them solve problems or learning mutually from them.
I thought about so many past experiences, across different evaluation standards. Around me, there are plenty who are stronger and quite a few who are weaker than me, yet I’ve rarely felt there’s an insurmountable gap between us. We usually stick to the topic objectively; no one doubts the value of a clinical case shared by a teacher just because they are short, nor does anyone refuse to hang out with a classmate who failed a course.
Then I let it go—not in the forced way of thinking “she comes from a better family, should I treat her differently? No, she’s no different from me,” but rather by simply not caring about it at all. Regardless of her family background, we still discuss things and work together.
Stop here and carefully feel this: the first is a deliberate suppression, first affirming then negating; the latter is inherently indifferent, no mental effort needed.
Actually, there is nothing to look down upon others for, nor anything to be looked down on by others for—it’s really just oneself looking down on oneself.
