I have a friend who often mentions things I don’t understand, ranging from medical topics to social and folk customs, covering many areas. I usually feel embarrassed to admit my ignorance, fearing that I’ll be seen as incompetent and that he might look down on me. So, I just respond with “uh-huh” to get by. Afterwards, I never study these gaps in knowledge. One unknown point often leads to a tangle of other unknowns, intertwined together, and although I want to learn, I don’t know where to start.
Recently, I’ve gradually come to understand three things:
First, I should thank this friend because he exposed the fact that I didn’t understand. I often pretend to know, and only realize my ignorance when I’m singled out to answer. Whether or not I spend time to understand later, his making me aware of my shortcomings is already a great help.
Second, my friend does not completely reject me because of my shortcomings in certain areas. First of all, everyone has flaws; it’s normal for me to have them, and he also knows this, which is normal (in some fields or identities, certain faults might be abnormal, but those are rare). Secondly, having flaws ≠ having no strengths. However, I often totally negate other successes because of a momentary failure (this is very common; I forgot where I read it, will add later). When I expose my ignorance in some areas, I surprisingly don’t think about how much I know in others. In short, saying “I don’t know” should not be a total negation in the eyes of others or oneself, nor should it be elevated to judging learning ability or even character.
Third, learning from the friend who raises questions is actually the fastest way to learn. If he is testing me, he surely already has his own answers. If I don’t know, directly asking him is the most efficient. And I can follow up with a series of related questions, which he can often answer. This way, learning becomes fast and systematic (the best way to learn is tailor-made, a question and an answer). Even if he doesn’t know and asks me, and I say I don’t know, then we research and discuss together, the outcome is still much better than me learning alone (we have actually done this).
In summary, being pointed out for not understanding something is precisely the best learning opportunity. The ancients emphasized “not ashamed to ask those below,” indicating that most people feel ashamed to ask others. Whether asking those below, peers, or above, it actually means that in a certain domain, oneself is less knowledgeable than the person being asked. For these experts, don’t worry about pride; as long as you’re interested and want to learn, just ask!
Finally, I thank my friend for walking me through the current state of medical education in Southeast Asia, why successive Communist Party policies were made and their effects, why the Russia-Ukraine war broke out and why it hasn’t ended for so long, and many other questions I’ve been interested in but embarrassed to ask about. 